Becca.
Waking the next morning, I had the worst hangover of my life. Allegra and I had stayed up all night talking, laughing, and more or less, me crying. I was a mess, but like Allegra told me, I needed to putl my big girl panties on and take care of my shit.
The only problem was, I wasn't sure how.
Slipping from bed, I made my way towards the bathroom to freshen myself up. I had to come up with a game plan, because as nice as Allegra was, I couldn't stay in her apartment forever. Instead, it might be best if I bought my ticket home.
Even though the other part of my brain protested against it, telling me to go after him.
I couldn't go after him. I wasn't going to be seen as some pathetic bitch chasing after a man who didn't want her.
Picking up my phone, though, my heart lurched. Three missed calls and over twenty texts from James and a few even from Tally.
Tally made it clear she hated me, and I was no friend to her. That I had betrayed her and called me every name under the sun. As much as it sucked that I'd hurt her, I honestly wasn't upset about us not being friends anymore.
James, on the other hand, was begging for me to call him. To let him see me.
The last message he sent had my nerves on edge and my breath catching in my throat.
'I never meant for things to happen this way, Becca. I need you. Please don't walk away from me. Give me a chance to explain and fix this.'
My legs quickly turned to jelly as I sat on the bed with my hand over my mouth. Did I trust him enough to give him that chance? Did I let myself buckle under the pressure of my emotions for him to hear what he had to say?
Against my better judgment, I sighed and sent him a message.
'Where do you want me to meet you?'
As if he was waiting by his phone for me to message him, a text came through immediately. 'I'm at the office. Please come see me.'
Taking a deep breath, I stood and quickly got dressed.
Allegra was waiting in the kitchen by the time I came out, and with a smoothie in her hand, she raised a brow at me with a smile. “You're going to see him?"
“How did you know?" I asked, with confusion. Had he been messaging her as well?
“I told you, Becca. I'm very observant, and I see how James is around you. He isn't going to let you walk out of his life. The way he is with you… well, I have never seen him like that with anyone else."
Her admission made my heart swell, but no matter how much it entranced me, I couldn't just give in so easily. “I get what you're saying, Allegra. But he made things clear before, and to be honest, I don't want to be mixed up in some outrageous drama…"
“Becca, I'm gonna tell you what my mama told me," she smiled, walking towards me. “If you let your mind control you, you will never let your heart guide you. Sometimes in life, things are worth taking a risk on. Just don't let it destroy you."
I wasn't sure who her mom was, but I needed to see that lady. The advice Allegra gave me was beyond remarkable, and it made so much more sense than what other people had told me.
“Thanks," I smiled, grabbing my purse. “I will be back later.... I'll call you."
“Oh! Make sure you take the spare key," Allegra said, quickly fishing through a drawer in the kitchen. “Here you go."
Taking the key with hesitation, I furrowed my brows. “Are you sure?"
“Yeah. Never know when you may need to use it. Now, go see James, and don't be too harsh on him."
“Wish me luck!" I called over my shoulder to which she replied, “Break a hip, or don't."
******
Forty- minutes later, and after fighting through traffic, I made it to James' building and was in the elevator heading up to his office. I wasn't sure if this was the best idea I ever had, but then again, sleeping with my best friend's father hadn't exactly been the highlight of ideas to have.
My heels clicked against the floor as I stepped out and made my way towards his office, Evette's eyes catching mine as I watched her brows furrow. “He's expecting you."
How would she know he was expecting me?
Had he told her about us?
Without questioning her, I nodded, giving her a small smile as I let a heavy breath escape me, and turned the knob, opening the door. James sat behind his desk in all his godly fashion. His eyes slowly raised to meet mine, and as they did, no smile followed.
I thought he would have been happy to see me. Especially since he was the one who asked me here. “Hello, Becca. Please take a seat."
Business oriented… and here I was, hoping for something else.
“Hello, to you as well," I replied, taking a seat across from him.
James' eyes never left mine as he sat quietly, as if going over what he wanted to say.
“So–" I said, breaking the silence, causing him to finally smile. “What did you want to see me for?"
“I don't want things to be bad between us, Becca," he admitted, clasping his hands together. “I want us to be like we were."
“Yeah, well, things kind of changed, James. Tally threw a fit… you allowed that to happen, and you told her we were nothing. We were just having sex, that's it."
“I didn't mean it like that," James snapped, catching me off guard.
“Well, that's what you said. You could have told her anything else, but that was what you went with. How do you think that makes me feel?" I snapped back, shaking my head.
I honestly was hoping when I came here today things wouldn't end up heated like they are. Perhaps it was too soon, though. Not enough time away had allowed us to speak clearly.
“I know," James groaned, running his hand over his face. “Look, I'm not going to beg you to stay because that isn't the kind of man that I am, but I will say I don't want you to go."
“I see. Well, why do you want me to stay?" I asked, crossing my arms over my chest. He kept saying he didn't want me to go, but he never was clear about why he wanted me to stay.
“Because we have fun together. Not to mention incredible sex…"
Out of everything he could have said, that was what he was going to lead with?
Wrong answer. “So you want me to stay because you like the sex?"
“Don't twist my words. That's not what I meant—"
“That's exactly what you just f*cking said, James." I yelled in frustration. “God, I have no clue what you really want. I was allowing myself to feel something again. After everything Chad did to me, and yet… I was a fool because look at what has happened."
James paused after my rant with a dumbfounded expression. “What were you feeling?"
Shit. Of course, he would want me to elaborate on that confession.
“It doesn't matter, James. How can I feel the way I do when you can't even stand up to others about what you want?"
“That's not true," he replied. “Don't you dare say that because it's far from the truth."
“Is it, though?" I replied, shaking my head. “Because you let Tally dictate a lot."
Taking a deep breath, I pushed to my feet and grabbed my purse. I was done with this conversation and done making myself look more of a fool than I already was.
“Where are you going?" He stood as well. “Becca, stop…"
“Why, James? All we are doing is fighting, and I'm tired of it. I'm tired of keeping secrets and everything else that is going on. I should never have let myself fall into a situation with you like that. Especially knowing there would be nothing from it."
Before I could reach the door, he took my arm and spun me to face him, pressing his lips to my own. The taste of him in my mouth was breathtaking.
I wasn't sure if I would ever kiss him again, but knowing I was right now was everything I needed.
“Don't leave," he whispered against my lips as he pressed my back to the wall. “Stay with me."
Every part of me wanted to cry, but trembling, I had to find the will to move on.
“I can't…" I replied, pushing back tears. “I want a relationship, James. I want someone who will love me, and it isn't fair to either of us to continue on when that will never happen."
“It can happen," he murmured, catching me off guard. “I just need time."
Of course he did. “Time for what?" I was curious to know his answer.
“Time for Tally to understand things better," he replied, and with those words, my heart broke again.
“Why do you have to wait for your grown ass daughter to finally give you the go ahead before you can be with me–or anyone else for that matter? She is never going to be okay with this. She is never going to accept it. Therefore, we can never be together."
The truth finally was out, and stepping back from me, he stared at me in disbelief. It was the truth, though. If he wanted to wait on Tally to be with someone, he was never going to be happy with another woman.
She would always want her dad and mom to get back together.
She would always expect him to come to her every beck and call.
Tally was a selfish bitch, and everything was always about her. So what was the point in James and I playing pretend that this could be more than it was? None of it made sense, and I couldn't wait around hoping that it would.
Leaning forward, I ran my hand down the side of his face and kissed him deeply.
“Goodbye, James," I whispered as tears slid down my cheeks.