Melody
I am so confused right now. What kind of sick game is this? Did he just say what I think he said? No way. I must be hallucinating. Did they put something in my drink?
First, I overheard his conversation with ma this morning, and now this. All I could do was stare dumbfounded at him. My mind and heart were racing at an alarming speed were imagined a heart attack or a stroke taking me out. Is it wrong to say that I was hoping either one of them did?
He can’t be serious. There’s no way he was serious. The look on his face told me otherwise. I’ve known him long enough to know that look. That look of determination and that his mind was made up. But there was an underlying look that he was desperately trying to hide. The look that told me he was up to something.
That look was the double-headed sword. The one that reeled you into whatever he wanted, manipulated you, and then later discarded you when he had his fill. He never used it on me before, never once have I been the one on the receiving end, and never have, I wanted to be.
I’ve seen that look used on more females than I could count. Seen how they would run crying, heartbroken, and shattered yet come back under that look. I’ve seen guys get befriended, used, and discarded after he gets what he wanted with that look. If it wasn’t to get access to their girls, it was to their money yet once again return and go through it all over again.
The only difference now was he didn’t try to hide it. It was proudly displayed on his face, and they still took the bait. Yet here and now, he is trying to conceal it. What is it that he wants from me? What game is he trying to run on me and why?
It can’t be money. I already bowed down and out of the family business. He owns it, along with the family estate. It can’t be to play me like his other flings, I can’t see how that would end well. For the sake of ma alone, he wouldn’t go there. Or would he?
People can change within seconds, and it’s been five years since we actually spoke or saw each other. At this point anything is possible. As much as I would like to put anything past him, I can’t. He might have changed but I doubt that look has. We might be grown now, but I don’t know if he grew up to be better or more conniving than before.
The more I thought about it, the more confused and agitated I became. Trying out the breathing exercises I learned from Sandra, I steadied my heart and clear my mind. It took me a good ten minutes to find anything to say. I closely studied him confirming and processing exactly what I was looking at under all that charm and charisma.
“As part of this so-called game, you want us to date for the remainder of this vacation. Seven days total. Pretend that we are not siblings but a couple. What about your mother and girlfriend if or when they find out?”
“Yes, and Yes. They won’t and so what if they do?”
“You can’t be serious.”
“As serious as a deadly virus. What’s the worse that can happen? It’s only seven days. Just another game while the parents are away.”
I couldn’t answer that question or comment. The worse that could happen was falling deeper for him when I know I shouldn’t. The worst that can happen is letting myself believe that there was more to this than whatever he was playing at. The worse that could happen was me getting caught up in Jay’s web and not being able to escape. Well, not until he decided to discard me like the other.
That flicker in his eye as he smirked was daring me, baiting me. My good senses told me to bail and never look back. It was screaming that this all was a trap, to be a good girl and run. However, something else within me pushed through. The part of me I do anything to suppress, and hide was at its peak.
I decided to take the bait. I guess we’re both going fishing from now on.
We left the shack with him explaining how the best time to start this atrocity will be tonight once the parents leave for their separate vacation. I was told to be ready for dinner at eight. I still had five hours till then. Greeting my parents, I rushed to my room avoiding the awkwardness of our last interactions. I had so much on my mind I wanted to explode. I decided on the next best thing and called the only friend I had.
“Hey, girl. How’s the trip?”
“Ugh, how do you think?”
“Not good since you’re calling me on a no-call allowed vacation. So, what’s going on?”
“I did a thing.”
“Oh, Lord. Whenever you say that I end up having a mess to clean up.”
“I don’t even say it that much.”
“That’s the point. When you do, it’s catastrophic. So, start spilling.”
I made sure my door was locked before going to the bathroom and locking myself inside. Minus the conversation, I overheard with Ma and Jay, I told Sandra everything that’s been going on so far and how I ended up agreeing to Jay’s little game.
“Have you lost your mind? This is by far the stupidest thing you’ve done. You’re intentionally setting yourself up to get hurt.”
“I know, I know. But you kept telling me that I need to do something to get him out of my system. Now he’s offering just that.”
“Are you even listening to yourself? I said that as in telling him how you feel, if it works great, if not then oh well. I meant that as is find someone who loves and values you, not someone who only wants to be seen with you in the chase of popularity. This is the opposite of what I meant. Mel, don’t do this.”
“Ugh. I’ve already agreed, and I don’t go back on my words.”
“But you know this is going to end well. If he is truly what you want, and I know you do. Why not be honest and bypass the stupid games? You told me yourself that you think he’s hiding something and is only playing you, so why would you allow yourself to go through it?”
“I don’t know. Guess because I don’t see any other way. We’ll never be together, that I know. But he’s offering this silver lining. Seven days I get to pretend and just let my guard down a little. After that, we’ll part ways and continue on with life. It’s just a game and nothing good will come out of it but I can pretend for just these next few days.”
“For a genius, you’re quite stupid for this one.”
“I know.”
“Well, I know I can’t talk you out of it but be careful. I don’t want you getting hurt and we still need to put an end to this Nick situation once you get back. The tabloids have been relentless and it’s only going to get worse until we can work this out. Please don’t add more sh*t to my plate. I already have a new client that’s been giving me a run for my money.”
We went on to talk about the plan for dealing with Nick once I returned and about this nightmare of a client she signed. Due to a confidentiality agreement, she could tell me his name, but the guy sounded like a loose cannon. We were on the phone for about an hour until Pa came knocking on the door to let me know they were leaving.
We said our farewells and I went back to contemplate where I go from here. I know Sandra was right, but I felt like I needed to do this. I wanted to do this.
This morning ma called me selfish and useless when all I’ve done was act accordingly for the sake of our family. She’s constantly telling me how I’m not family-oriented, not personable, and have no regard for others. Yet my whole life I’ve done everything to uphold my family's values.
Other than the situation of my twenty-first birthday, not one negative thing could be said about me that held any weight. Even after, I studied my behind off and worked ten times harder for that one night to be overshadowed and forgotten by my success and accomplishment as their daughter. Yet none of that was enough.
****
Looking at the beautiful candle lit dinner, I was in awe. The table was placed a few feet away from the beach. Flowers surrounded us, as the light breeze occasional lift a few off the ground circling them around us before falling in the pile. The weather was perfect, and the water was steady. I had the urge to take of my sandals and walk into the water just to get a different view.
Nick always took me to these lavish dinners and dates put they were photo ops. They meant nothing. I had to keep reminding myself that even though this wasn’t a photo op, it meant nothing either. Just like Nick, Jay too wanted something from me. I just didn’t know what it was yet.
The scenery was gorgeous, and the atmosphere was soothing but my mind refused to accept that I was here with Jay the way he asked be to be. Everything he did, from pulling in my chair to tucking a loose braid behind my ear all reminded me of many of our times together when we were teens. One I wanted exactly this, but I knew all we would ever be was what we already are.
Even though he was a perfect gentleman and it felt great to spend time with him. I couldn’t think of this more than the many dinners and movies we shared growing up. I guess he could sense it because his next question only dug deeper into those memories.
“Remember when we were thirteen and I begged our parent to allow me to go on my first movie date?”
“Yeah. The girl bailed and mom forced me to go watch the movie with you. She showed up two hours after the movie ended, we got soaked in the rain because the mall was closed, and I was sick for a week.”
I remember how mad I was because she blamed me for getting sick. Supposedly, I should have been responsible enough to find cover, bring an umbrella and everything else under the sun that could have prevented the fact that she was late and never returned any of my calls.
“About that, there was never a girl. I lied to get mom to let you go with me and she wasn’t late. I gave her the wrong time.”
I believe I heard my jaw drop on the table.
“You did what? Why?”
“I wanted to go with you, but you’d rather stay in and read.”
“I was studying for the placement test. Which I had to miss because I got sick.”
“You were over studying. You didn’t even need it.”
I can’t believe this right now. Not only did he lie about his stupid date failing and forced me to go with him, but he also caused me to miss my exam, causing me to graduate a year later than I had planned. I studied so hard for that exam only to get sick and not be able to take it.
“Why didn’t you just talk to me about it and wait till after I took my exam?”
“You had already planned to leave the weekend after for that summer Olympic thing.”
“Yeah, and I had to miss that too. Let me guess, another one of your schemes?”
I shouldn’t have asked. As he tells me how exactly I had the worse allergic reaction in my life, all I wanted to do was drown him. I’m usual good at holding in my emotions but this anger that was boiling in me left me blind. He knew how important that summer was to me, how hard I worked to get accepted into that program and let alone take that exam. Yet, he sabotages them.
He purposedly sabotaged my dreams and goals to later pretend he was always on my side rooting for me. He purposedly used peanut oil to make my food, knowing I had a peanut allergy. He held me when I cried about those missed opportunities. He was there cramped up in my room consoling me after I almost died.
“How could you do that to me. Why would you do that to me?”
“I’m sorry but I didn’t want you to leave, I never wanted you to leave.”
For the first time in my life, I wanted to murder someone. Since that wasn’t an option, I got up and left. He was rambling behind me about how sorry he was and how much he wanted me to understand why he did all he did. I couldn’t and I didn’t want to.