By the time they returned home Zoe not only wore out her excitement but had fallen asleep. Sarah gathered her up and carried her inside. Ulima greeted them as they entered but fell silent when she saw the little one was out. She had made sopapillas as a special treat but they would have to wait.
“Do you need help?” Lucas asked.
Sarah shook her head before heading upstairs to lay her down. Daisy yapped circling her feet and trailed after her. Lucas waited anxiously wondering if Sarah would come back down. Perhaps they could finally talk. When she didn’t he quietly went in search of her only to find her lying on the bed beside Zoe also fast asleep.
As he peered into the room only Daisy stirred. Curled up beside Zoe the corgi raised its head, its large ears perked up. When Lucas didn’t say anything, the pup dropped its head and went back to sleep.
Lucas gazed at the three-year-old and her mother both comfortably asleep. He leaned against the wall drinking in the sight. Both looked so content. He was glad Sarah could at least sleep comfortably even if being back made her anxious. Though the car ride out had been awkward Sarah relaxed during the tour. Her smile was less strained and she didn’t flinch every time he stood beside her.
Baby steps.
He kept telling himself that but it wasn’t easy. His arms itched to hold her to finally know whether or not she fit in his embrace the way he imagined. But she wouldn’t allow that. She barely allowed him to be in the same room. Lucas had no choice but to take it slow but…he only had two weeks. One slip-up she could disappear forever with their daughter and he would have no one to blame but himself.
With a sigh he stepped out of the room quietly closing the door. What could he do?
“Never thought I’d see the day you were completely whipped,” Alan commented.
Lucas turned to look at him as he stood at the top of the stairs. He glared but couldn’t argue. From the moment he saw Sarah at the party she consumed his thoughts. And Zoe…Lucas leaned against the wall remembering his words four years ago.
“…If she ends up being pregnant, get rid of it.”
How could he have been so stupid?
Sarah was a wonderful mother. Gentle, caring, firm but understanding. He was fairly certain she had no idea how beautiful she was when she smiled and played with Zoe. She was already beautiful, but with Zoe she was drop-dead gorgeous. God, he had been so blind.
“Luke?”
“I need to know everything,” Lucas said. “I don’t care how…just get me the information. Everything about Sarah…and Zoe. Please.”
“Yeah okay,” Alan nodded.
No doubt Zoe’s statement from the morning still resonated. It had been quite a shock to all of them. With the advances of modern medicine one seldom heard about such complications during pregnancy or birth. Yet, that didn’t mean they didn’t happen and not everyone was as lucky as Sarah and Zoe who both managed to survive.
While Sarah and Zoe napped Lucas nervously paced the house. Suddenly everything seemed dangerous and potentially hazardous. How could he protect them from everything? Finally exhausted he collapsed on the couch. This much worry would be the death of him.
“Señor.”
Lucas jerked to attention as Ulima offered him a warm cup. With a nervous smile he accepted taking a drink before he really looked at what was in the mug. He frowned. The taste was similar to coffee but…not…
“Dandelion coffee,” Ulima said. “Señora taught me how to make it. It is very good and very healthy. Señora loves it.”
Lucase hesitated but drank it, “So you remember how Sarah likes her tea?”
“I remember a few things,” Ulima nodded.
“And food preferences?”
Ulima smiled, “Señora always liked it when I made something special. She used to say life is too short to eat the same boring things.”
Lucas’s lips twitched with a smile. So Sarah liked ethnic foods. He wondered when that started. Alan did say she went to Paris to do research for one of her books, perhaps then?
“You two seem to get along well,” Lucas said. “Why did she let you go?”
Ulima grew pensive before answering, “I think…I made a mistake.”
“Mistake?”
“Yes…I felt sorry for her…alone in this big house. I started to pity her and I think that was more painful to her than being alone,” Ulima cautiously said. “Señora didn’t want pity…and I don’t think she likes others to see her pain. She is a very private person. She prefers to suffer in private. She doesn’t like to bother others with it.”
Lucas grimaced. He understood that. He preferred to face his problems on his own too but he usually made them worse. If it wasn’t for Alan Lucas wasn’t sure he would have been able to solve any of them. But Sarah shouldered everything alone: his neglect, society’s ridicule, her pregnancy and raising Zoe, being an author. He didn’t even know that kind of strength existed.
“Ulima, do you have children?” Lucas suddenly asked.
“Yes, two daughters. They are grown now.”
“Does it ever get easier?”
“Señor?”
“I mean, do you ever stop worrying?”
“No, señor. I’m afraid not. You worry more.”
“Terrific.” Lucas sighed sipping the dandelion coffee.
“Señor?” Ulima hesitated. “You are not going to leave her alone again, are you?”
Lucas’s gaze snapped toward her. Her face was a mask of worry. She truly cared for Sarah and Zoe. Considering the past he couldn’t blame her for doubting him.
“No…never again.” Lucas shook his head.
Ulima eyed him judging his reaction carefully before nodding. She returned to the kitchen. Apparently he was convincing enough for the housekeeper. Now he just had to persuade Sarah.
* * *
Lucas nervously stepped out of the car looking at the brownstone. He had never been here before so he was surprised by its rather ordinary façade. There was nothing about it that stood out from the others despite the family that called it home.
Sarah and Zoe climbed out after him along with the excited corgi. After being left behind earlier, the puppy was eager to join them this time. Alan gave him a wave of encouragement before driving away. Lucas sighed. He needed all the support he could get. This visit was not going to be easy.
He trailed after Sarah as she led Zoe up the steps to the front door. When they had climbed into the car Sarah rattled off the address to Alan with ease. There was no hesitation in her now as she neared the front door. He wondered how many times she visited in the past. Her knock was answered almost immediately as Duncan smiled and ushered them in.
“Hello!” Zoe greeted with her usual enthusiasm. “What’s your name?”
He chuckled, “I am Duncan. I am the butler.”
“What’s a butler?”
“I take care of the house and manage the staff,” he explained taking their jackets.
“Oh. So you’re like a housekeeper?” Zoe asked.
“…Yes. Something like that,” Duncan agreed.
“We have a housekeeper too. Her name’s Ulima.”
Duncan nodded with a pleasant smile. After taking care of Isaac and Ben he was quite used to small children and their questions but even the boys weren’t quite this chatty. It was rather refreshing.
“Ma’am,” Duncan nodded to Sarah. “It is good to see you again.”
Sarah smiled, “You haven’t changed a bit Duncan. Thank you.”
“Mister Stanton.” Duncan took his coat.
Lucas nodded. It was clear this wasn’t Sarah’s first visit. He wondered if Ava was the friend Sarah used to visit regularly. At first he was sure it was Ruth but maybe not. What if…
Screeching and laughter echoed as Ben suddenly emerged running from Isaac who wielded a foam sword. Stumbling into Duncan they fell silent as they saw their guests. Daisy barked immediately drawing their attention.
“Puppy!” Ben exclaimed.
“Isaac! Ben!” Alexis appeared. “You know you’re not supposed to run in the house. Oh. Hi, Auntie Sarah.”
“Hello Lexi.”
“Hi!” Zoe said. “This is Daisy.”
The corgi spun an excited circle straining on her leash to greet the equally excited boys. Ben scooted closer giggling as the pup climbed into his lap and licked his face.
“Eww, Ben don’t let the dog lick your face,” Lexi sighed even as she knelt to pet the happy puppy.
They had bugged their parents for a pet since Isaac was born but both seemed hesitant to agree. She was certain their father wanted to say yes but their mother wasn’t as comfortable with the idea and Lexi had a suspicion it had to do with her mother’s childhood, perhaps another traumatic experience induced by her sadistic aunt.
“Oh Sarah!” Ava emerged and hurried up to hug her.
“Hi Auntie Ava!” Zoe smiled eager for her own hug. “That’s Daisy!”
Ava looked at the corgi happily squirming among the kids. Growing up her father didn’t allow pets. The only dogs she ever saw were the guard dogs that patrolled the family estate. Her sister once tossed her into the kennels and locked the door leaving her to face angry, snarling Dobermans. Luckily the dogs were in their pens so they couldn’t reach her but it had still been a traumatizing experience.
Even thinking about it made her tremble but the puppy sitting with her children was pint-sized and…adorable. Hesitantly she knelt immediately drawing the corgi’s attention. As if sensing the need for caution Daisy approached slowly and gently licked Ava’s hand when she offered it. Ava managed a strained smile as she pet its soft fur.
“So how big will she get?” Ava asked.
“She’s almost full grown now,” Sarah informed knowing the trauma of Ava’s past. “Corgi’s don’t get very big.”
“Oh,” Ava relaxed. A little dog wasn’t so scary.
“Corgis are actually herding dogs,” Sarah informed. “Originally they were bred to herd cattle, believe it or not.”
“Cows? But they are so huge! And Daisy’s so small,” Lexi said.
“True but they are quick and can run circles around them,” Sarah chuckled. “They are fearless and have that herding instinct to round up even a bunch of rowdy boys.”
“Daisy likes to herd our chickens,” Zoe agreed, “but she’s not supposed to.”
“Where’d you get her?” Ava asked.
“One of our neighbors breeds them,” Sarah said. “They also have sheep so the dogs learn to herd like they were originally bred to do.”
Ava bit her lip. She wondered if a dog raised on a farm would do all right in the city. The idea that a dog would want to look after the kids and herd them away from places they shouldn’t be was an attractive idea. And Daisy certainly was sweet-natured. She needed to think about it some more.
“Mom, can we take her outside to play?” Lexi asked.
“Um, sure. Just don’t get too dirty. Dinner will be in an hour.”
“Yeah!” Ben and Isaac were immediately bouncing on their feet.
“Mommy! Did you bring it?” Zoe asked.
Sarah chuckled taking a tennis ball out of a canvas bag she brought along as well as a plastic arm that helped one throw it further. She stowed the leash in the bag alongside the bag of dog food they brought along for the pup’s dinner. Hopefully feeding her would keep her from begging for scraps. Daisy immediately started wiggling with excitement. It was her favorite toy. Zoe clapped taking the toys from her mother.
“I’ll show you how it works,” Zoe declared taking charge. As she was the only one with a pet it was her responsibility to teach them the best way to play with a canine.
Sarah chuckled as the kids took off for the backyard which was completely fenced in and secured. There they would be able to run off some energy before dinner. She was actually looking forward to how tuckered out Daisy would be afterwards as working dogs seemed to have boundless energy.
“Come on,” Ava hooked her arm around Sarah’s, “we need to catch up so you better be ready to answer some questions.”
Ava dragged her off toward the backyard where they could relax on the patio while the kids played. Lucas hesitated not sure if he should follow.
“Stanton.”
Lucas froze at the voice. Turning he saw Silas watching him from the stairs though he wasn’t sure when the other arrived.
“Let’s talk,” Silas said.
It didn’t look like he was going to be able to avoid it. With a grimace Lucas nodded allowing Silas to escort him to the office.
“Have a seat,” Silas nodded.
Lucas practically collapsed into one of the oversized chairs that faced each other across a coffee table. Silas sat in the other quietly watching him. Four years ago he had given Lucas his final word…or at least that had been his intention.
It had been difficult watching Sarah bear the strain of a collapsing marriage. Numerous times he wanted to step in but she always insisted he stay out of it. Worse, it seemed Lucas was content to continue the path of self-destruction. When Sarah finally left Silas was relieved. At least she wouldn’t go down with Lucas. Since then he dropped any interest in Lucas or Stanton Inc. Now that Sarah had returned with a daughter he couldn’t stand on the sidelines. He would not let either be hurt again.
“Say it,” Lucas demanded.
“Say what?”
“Say it. Say I’m an idiot for ever thinking my wife was anything but perfect and beautiful and amazing. Say I’m a fool for letting her walk away and missing my baby’s birth…and missing the last four years with them.”
“Well, yes. That about covers it,” Silas nodded.
Lucas choked back a laugh. Looking at Silas he was surprised to see an expression of pity and he realized their situation was not all that different. Silas had also pushed away the woman he loved and lost ten years with his family though he was certainly making up for that lost time now. Silas’s crimes were slightly less reprehensible than his own.
“I…I don’t know what to do,” Lucas finally admitted.
“Answer me this, do you want them in your life?”
“God, yes,” Lucas sighed. “Even since I saw Sarah at the party she’s all I can think about and when I saw Zoe…I just want to keep them in sight at all times. When Sarah said they were going to the Statue of Liberty today all I could think about was the ferry sinking.”
Silas nodded in understanding. He was very familiar with that kind of panic. It was why he insisted on guards even before he introduced himself. Even now Mike and his team continued to shadow Ava and the children wherever they went out despite Sean, Lexi and Theo insisting they were old enough to take care of themselves.
“Today I found out Sarah had complications during the delivery,” Lucas said. “Zoe was born premature and Sarah almost bled to death. They both could have died and I wouldn’t have even known.”
Silas grimaced. That was news to him. Ava told him Sarah had a difficult birth but she hadn’t mentioned details. He wondered if she knew.
“I…I don’t know what to do. I have no idea how to be a father.” Lucas shook his head.
“I hate to tell you this but there is no magic formula and unless you intend to bubble wrap Zoe there is no way to prevent her from getting hurt,” Silas said. “She’s going to scrape her knees and bruise her legs. She’s going to track in mud and come in covered in grass stains. And there is nothing you can do about it. So accept it now.”
With a sigh Lucas studied the coffee table and noticed a pile of books. He knew Silas enjoyed reading so that in and of itself wasn’t surprising. But looking at them he suddenly realized they were all written by the same author: Rosemary Thomas. Frowning Lucas looked at Silas who maintained a neutral expression but his eyes shined with mirth.
“You knew?” Lucas asked.
“Yeah. For awhile now,” Silas chuckled grabbing one of the books and paging through it.
“How?”
“Sarah told Ava. Ava told me.” Silas shrugged. “And before you ask Julius and Macey know too. Actually Macey knew before any of us.”
“She did?”
“Apparently she helped Sarah with research for the second book.”
“The second?” Lucas thought back his mind trying to recall the conversation with Alan and remembered the second book was set in Paris. So Sarah met Macey back then? “Am I the only one who didn’t know?”
Silas chuckled, “No. Aside from her publisher and lawyer there are only a handful of us who know. You might have noticed Sarah doesn’t generally share personal details.”
Lucas grimaced. He had made no effort to gain her trust so why should she share any details with him?
“Actually once you know it’s Sarah who wrote these books they almost work like an autobiography…a record of everything she has ever done.” Silas tossed the book in his hand to Lucas who managed to catch it. “You should read them if you want to know about her.”
Lucas looked at him raising a brow but Silas looked in earnest. He looked at the book in his hands: Willow Remember Me?, obviously a play on Will You Remember Me?, which was actually quite clever. His gaze drifted to the other books: Foxglove Files, To Catch a Cattail, Sage Advice, Daisies in Bloom. It seemed they all were named after a flower or plant of some sort. Rosemary. Even her penname was an herb. He wondered if it was just a gimmick or if she really had an interest in plants. She did like tea so perhaps it was related to that.
“I don’t really have time to read,” Lucas said returning the book to the pile.
“Make time,” Silas insisted.
“I got enough on my plate,” Lucas stood nervously pacing. “Sarah hardly even acknowledges me. She won’t talk to me. I…”
“So it finally happened,” Silas sighed. “Better late than never.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Well, no one can accuse you of being bright. When you figure it out…make sure you tell Julius. He’ll love to hear all about it.”
Lucas grimaced. He had been nervous enough to face Silas. He didn’t know if he could handle Julius. Silas had been harsh during their last confrontation but Julius completely ignored him walking away with a look of disgust.