Bella
“Come on Bella, you have to have an opinion.” I could hear the exasperation in Daphne’s voice. We were sitting at a florist, with a dozen samples of flowers arranged on the table in front of us.
“But I told you, I think they are all beautiful.” I said helplessly, reaching out to stroke a petal of a perfect pink rose. “How can I possibly choose?”
“Yes, they are all very lovely,” Daphne said with a sigh, “But the flowers should be special to you. Don’t you have a favorite?”
I looked down at my hands clasped in my lap. “I’ve only ever gotten flowers once, and they were from Wyatt. They were tiger lilies, I think. I guess that’s my favorite.”
“Well, halleluiah!” Daphne threw her arms in the air and turned to the exhausted looking florist. “Tiger lilies it is then.”
“Oh my, well that’s quite unusual. I’ll have to place a special order-”
“Good, yes, you do that. She’ll need a bouquet, flowers for her hair, each table will need a center piece, flowers to decorate the stage...” Daphne ticked off the items on her fingers. I could practically see the dollar signs lighting up in the florist’s eyes.
We had set the date for the Luna ceremony in three weeks' time. Daphne declared that it was the minimum amount of time she would need to get everything organized. We’d already been to three different caterers before she found one that could meet the needs of the feast she wanted. We had sampled all the foods at lunch time, and it was superb. Daphne had been whipping around Wyatt’s unlimited credit card with wild abandon.
“Now my dear, we have to find your dress.”
I cringed inwardly. Oh god, not more shopping, I thought tiredly. We piled back into her jeep and headed toward the mall where there was an upscale bridal boutique. She took me by the hand and dragged me into a store that seemed to be overflowing with white satin and lace. I looked at the elegant gowns on display and shrank back into myself. They were all splendid, dresses for fairytales, but they were not for me. I wasn’t going to stand before the entire pack dressed in white like some virginal bride. Not with two men on my arms and a pair of matching marks on my shoulders. I cleared my throat and turned to Daphne. “Don’t they have anything with... color?”
“Oh yes, this way please,” a chirpy sales lady led me into a back room, where there were even more dresses, this time in a variety of colors. I thought most of them were probably meant to be bridesmaid’s dresses, or maybe prom dresses. I walked around feeling rather stunned and overwhelmed by all the glitter and glitz, the huge skirts, and sleeveless bodices. I couldn’t imagine myself wearing any of those.
It was Daphne who found the dress. “Oh Bella, look at this one.” She pulled out the dress where it had been half hidden behind others on a rack. The dress was a deep blood red, with black lace over top. It had a halter top and fell into a long, loose skirt. It was simple and elegant, and simply perfect. “It will look spectacular with your hair, and your skin,” she gushed, holding it against me to get the effect.
“Oh, but my skin,” I squeezed my eyes shut. “Daphne, its backless.”
“So?”
I felt my heart drop, because I really liked the dress. “My scars. I can’t wear a backless dress.”
Daphne used her one free hand to grasp my shoulder. “Your scars are part of you, Bella. They are the badge of courage for everything that you survived. They are not something for you to hide in shame.”
“But... they are so ugly.”
“Who said they were ugly? Did my brothers tell you that?”
I shook my head. “No, never!” Quite the opposite. The brothers touched my scars tenderly, even kissed them. They never spoke anything disparaging about the marks on my body. “It's only me that can’t stand them.”
“Well you can just get over yourself, girl. Try the dress on. Tell me if you don’t love it.” She shoved the dress into my arms and pushed me back toward the changing rooms.
My hands shook as I carefully pulled the dress from the hanger. I looked at myself in the three-way mirror as I peeled off my clothes. My body was changing. I was still too thin, but I looked less skeletal every day. My arms and legs were now boasting slender muscles, thanks to my hours spent on the training grounds. I turned and looked over my shoulder so that I could see my back side. My scars were there, the skin shiny in different shades from white to pink. But my eyes traveled lower, to my butt, which was shaping up nicely, if I do say so myself. It was looking like an upside down heart. I shrugged at my reflection and pulled on the dress.
Who would have thought that the girl who had to steal rags out of the trash would ever be standing before the mirror in a dress like this? The fabric felt soft and cool against my skin. It would need to be taken in to fit my slender form, but the shape was very flattering. I smoothed the lace over my hips and turned to look at my back. The backless dress left nothing to the imagination. But maybe Daphne was right. Maybe it wasn’t worth trying to hide them.
Besides, with all the scars on my body, I’d have to wear some kind of high-necked, long sleeved victorian nightgown to cover up everything. And even then... I reached up and touched the slight scar on my face. There was no hope of covering everything, unless I wore a burka. The brothers had accepted me as I was, perhaps it was time to accept myself too. And I did love the dress. It was exactly what I wanted.
“Come on out now, Bella! I want to see!” I heard Daphne whining slightly from the other side of the door.
I opened it slowly, and lifted the skirt to walk out.
She covered her mouth. “Oh my god Bella... it's amazing.”
“Do you think?” I asked uncertainly.
“Yes! Yes! Its perfect! We’ll dress the guys in black tuxedos with red shirts exactly that color... it will be...” She sighed and tucked her hands under her chin. “So beautiful. Now lets see... we’ll have to make a few alterations.” She tugged at the dress and adjusted it, calling the sales clerk. “We’ll need this taken in, and the skirt is just a hair too long.” The lady nodded and darted around me with a measuring tape. When she had jotted down my measurements I went back in to slide out of the dress. I pulled on my clothes and straightened out my hair.
“Ready then?” Daphne was already tucking a receipt into her purse for the dress.
I nodded. “I’m hungry. And I have to pee.”
“Me too!” She agreed happily. “Well, hungry, that is. I used the bathroom at the florist. Shall we just eat in the food court again?”
I shrugged. “Sure, the pizza was good.”
We left the gown behind for alterations, and headed out of the store towards the food court. As we rounded the glass-fronted store, I felt the eerie sensation of being watched. I glanced back over my shoulder, but I saw nothing, except for other shoppers minding their own business. It must be my imagination, I thought, as I fell in step with Daphne.