Beckham POV
As I watch the car pull into the driveway my stomach is in knots. I'm an Alpha but right now I feel like anything but a strong wolf. This woman has the power to destroy me. The more I thought about not accepting our bond the more I felt like I couldn't breathe. I'm thrilled when she agrees to let me apologize but the fact that she won't let me take her hand isn't lost on me. I've hurt my mate deeply.
We walk in silence to the spot near the lake where I hoped we could have this conversation. I often spend time with Lily here when she wants to see Gideon. I lead Rosalyn over to a comfortable bench I built with my own hands. Once we're both seated, I take a deep breath. "Rosalyn, I can never say I'm sorry enough for my reaction at dinner. I need you to understand that it had nothing to do with you."
"That doesn't make me feel better Beck. That's as bad as saying it's you not me. You have no idea what it felt like to have my second chance look at me like he was horrified to have me as a mate" she says and each word is like a knife in my heart. We are each other's second chance and I made her feel like I don't want her.
Without second guessing, I get on my knees in front of her. Alpha wolves don't kneel before anyone but their true Luna. Based on the shock on her face she knows what it means for me to do this. "Beck, you don't need to put yourself in this position." "Yes, I do. I hurt you because I let my past dictate my future. I won't do that again. You are my mate and even though I no longer have a pack, my Luna. I belong at your feet begging your forgiveness."
"I appreciate the gesture but this is probably going to be a lengthy conversation. I would really prefer that you sit next to me" she says. Goddess she is perfect. Diplomatic and caring even when she has the right to be angry. I take my seat next to her. "Rosalyn, can you tell me about your first mate?"
She stiffens before she turns to meet my eyes. "I would prefer to hear about Lily's mother first. I think it's important since I have a feeling she is part of the reason for your reaction to me," she says. "She is but probably not in the way you're thinking. Deborah was an omega in our pack. The day I found her was one of the best days of my life." Sadness flashes in Rosalyn's eyes and I hate that this part of the story is going to cause her more pain.
"I didn't care that she was an omega and immediately accepted her as my mate. We completed our bond and she became pregnant not long after. My father wasn't happy that the goddess had paired me with a low ranked member of the pack. I avoided him for much of Deborah's pregnancy."
I close my eyes and take a deep breath. When I open them again Rosalyn is staring at me intently. "The day Deborah went into labor with Lily my father had demanded I come to his office. When I arrived, he insisted that I would be rejecting my bond with Deborah and taking his Beta's daughter as my mate or I would never become Alpha of the pack. I told him that I would be a rogue before I would reject Deborah."
"I was sitting in the hospital room with my mate, her sister, and my beautiful pup when my father walked in followed by the b**ch he wanted me to mate. When I continue to refuse to reject my bond and make Deborah my mistress my father attacked me. Stacey managed to get Lily out safely but I couldn't protect Deborah. I killed my father that day but I lost my my mate. I couldn't protect her. I failed her." I stiffen when I feel soft fingertips on my cheek.
My eyes meet Rosalyn's as she wipes away tears, I didn't even know were running down my cheeks. "I know my reaction to finding out you were my mate was sh**ty and I can never make up for how I made you feel but I need you to understand that I want you to be my mate. I wanted you the moment I caught your scent in the bakery."
Her cheeks flush pink and I realize what I said. "You were never the reason for my reaction. I felt guilty that I'm going to get another chance at happiness when Deborah won't. She never got to be the mother she always wanted to be to Lily. The other reason I reacted badly was because I'm afraid."
She tilts her head clearly confused by my statement. "I'm afraid I'll fail you too, Rosalyn." "You didn't fail Deborah, Beck. You are not to blame for what happened and by the sounds of it the two people responsible were dealt with by you. I'm so sorry for what happened and I understand why you reacted the way you did but what's changed. Why do you want me now," she asks.
"Honestly, it was Holly that made me realize I was lying to myself. When I went to the bakery and you refused to talk to me, she said you have the hots for Charlie. The thought of you with anyone but me made me crazy. Besides that, my wolf was more than happy to point out that I was being an id*ot for letting my guilt and fear cost me the chance to have the other half of my soul."
Rosalyn POV
As far as reasons go, Beck's is pretty good. It's hard to hear him talk about his first mate but I know I felt the same way about Reese before it all went to hell. Hearing him say he wants me as his mate makes my heart beat faster. Will he feel that way when he realizes that my first mate didn't think I was enough. Zora growls but I'm right. He wanted more than one mate. My eyes meet Beck's and he looks worried. I realize I've been quiet for too long.
"This is hard for me Beck because my first mate betrayed me." He growls and his eyes flash black. "I grew up with my ex-mate. He is a few years older than me. He actually claimed me at my sixteenth birthday party." I notice the disgust in his eyes and realize he thinks I mean physically. "Not in the way you're thinking. He just announced I was his mate when he saw me dancing with an unmated male."
"We spent the two years just getting to know each other. A few days before my eighteenth birthday I walked in on him with someone else." Goddess, why is this so hard to say out loud. I'm not the one who did this so why am I embarrassed that my mate preferred my brother. I look to the sky before I look back at Beck. "The person he was screwing was my brother." "So not only did your ex-mate betray you but your brother did too" he says his voiced laced with anger.
"Yes, but amazingly that's not what made me want to leave the pack. Don't get me wrong I was devastated by both their actions. I wish they had just told me they had a relationship before I accepted Reese as my mate. The worst was my father and the Alpha of the pack insisting I share my ex-mate with my brother. Comparing it to what identical twins do with their mate."
"Are you f**king kidding me? What the f**k is wrong with your old pack? That is against werewolf law for ranked members to get involved in mating bonds. Why would the Alpha of a pack even care about your mating? Why would he jeopardize his title," he asks. Before I can even answer his eyes turn black as night. "You were mated to the future Alpha of your old pack, weren't you?"
I nod and my heart is racing. Without warning I'm lifted into strong arms. Beck is holding me on his lap and burying his head in my neck. He breathes deep, taking in my scent. I can tell he's trying to calm himself and I'm not sure what to do. We haven't technically accepted each other.
I have no idea what he's thinking about what I've just told him. I know he's angry but does he still want me after all I just told him? "Beck" I manage to say. "Give me a minute my love, I'm on the verge of shifting. Gideon and I want to run to your old pack and rip them apart for what they have done to our mate." I fight back the lump in my throat hearing him claim me.