“Austin, how long?” I asked, trying to deter his attention away from her.
“About 30 minutes, give or take. I have nothing going on right now, so I’ll process the sample now.”
“Dr. Chester, can you please test for all known types of STDs?” Annika asked shyly.
“That was the original plan. And there’s no reason to be shy, Dr. Hollands. Though I’m not sure why you need to be tested, I would hypothesize that your husband cheated, and you’re worried he contracted something from the mistress?” Annika and I both snapped our heads up to look at him.
“Chester, how in the fuck?” I babbled.
“It’s not rocket science. I see the tan line on her ring finger. There was a ring there, but now, it’s gone. My EQ may be low, but that doesn’t mean I’m not observant. She had a wedding ring at one point, and it was there for a while if it left a tan line. But it hasn’t faded much, which means she took it off within the last few weeks to the last couple of months. Those tan lines don’t fade very quickly, so they will be there for a while. Which means she’s been recently divorced or separated. Plus, if she wants to get tested for STD, one can reasonably deduce that her husband had sex with someone and then came back and had sex with her. Unprotected on both sides. Having come to this conclusion , it makes sense that Dr. Hollands would want to get checked. You only came to me for expedited results.” I looked at him incredulously. I hated how smart he was and how he could figure shit out without being told.
“Actually, Dr. Chester, I’m still technically married,” Annika replied honestly.
“Oh, you are? Oh man, I’m sorry to hear that. Allow me to edit my hypothesis then. You only recently found out he’s been cheating on you even though it may have been going on for quite some time?”
“Yes. You’re indeed correct. I feel like a fool. And to think, I graduated at the top of my class at Johns Hopkins.”
“Wait, did you say Hopkins?” Austin asked her.
“Yes. Why?”
“Your surname is your married name?” he asked, and she nodded.”Wait, then your maiden name isn’t by chance Hiller, is it?”
“Hiller?” I repeated in confusion. I could have sworn it was Silverton. But then again, if she hid her identity from the ignoramus, she may have used a fake surname.
“Yes, it is. How did you know?”
“You’re that Annika! Oh wow, now I’m starstruck!” Austin shouted like a kid on Christmas morning. Seriously, what the fuck is going on?
“You know who I am?” Annika asked, equally as confused as I was.
“How could I not!? I followed your thesis on ‘Love is a Choice and Not a Feeling,’” he gushed while digging through his desk. He pulled out a giant folder and slammed it down on the table in front of us.
“Wait, is that … Why do you have a copy of my thesis?” Annika asked, frowning in dismay.”I never shared this with anyone,” she said and looked up at him with furrowed brows. The look she gave him made it seem like he was some kind of stalker.
“I’m sorry, Dr. Hill … I mean, Dr. Hollands. When I was visiting Hopkins as a guest speaker for the Organic Chemistry fair four years ago, one of the professors asked me to look at a thesis paper for an up-and-coming medical student. He wanted to get my take on it since it was something that he had never seen before. Most medical students base their thesis on the actual sciences of the medical world, but this student focused on the logic behind a feeling that people know all too well. When I read this thesis, I was floored that you took something so simple and added logic, reasoning, and scientific proof to prove that love is not a feeling but a choice one makes in life. I asked the professor for a copy. Because I have such a low EQ, your thesis threw me for a loop, and I liked the feeling.”
“Oh, wow. That’s so crazy! I can’t believe someone of your caliber actually read my thesis and liked it!” Annika’s face flushed pink, and the jealousy stirred within me again.”Though, my professor didn’t.”
“What?” Austin asked in shock.”He’s the one who asked me to read it over!”
“I didn’t know that. Either way, I didn’t receive a good merit on my thesis, and he made me write a different thesis, one that actually had to do with medicine. He said that the other thesis was more for psychology, and that psychology isn’t truly medicine since most psychologists don’t need a medical license to practice. They’re not”real” doctors; ergo, psychology isn’t really a medical profession,” Annika explained and rolled her eyes at the end.
“Well, I can’t argue with that logic,” Austin agreed while nodding his head.
“What?! You agree with that load of horseshit!?” Annika’s outburst shocked both Austin and me.
“I’m sorry if I’ve offended you, Dr. Hollands. But as a scientist, I base everything on facts. Psychology has no facts, and it’s all hearsay in the end.”
“And yet, Dr. Chester, law enforcement uses psychology to get into the minds of criminals so that they can be caught. Profiling is psychology at its finest. The science behind the evidence is only an attribute to apprehending a suspect, and understanding that suspect and how their mind works is how they’re ultimately caught. The evidence is only a tool to get them behind bars so they can’t hurt anyone else.”
“I’m not saying that psychology is baseless, doctor. I’m merely stating that it’s not considered a form of medicine or science,” Austin tried to defend himself.
“How is it not a form of science? Isn’t the human brain part of the human anatomy?”
“Yes, but …”
“And isn’t human anatomy studied in biology and chemistry?”
“Well, yes, but—”
“And aren’t biology and chemistry subjects of scientific matter, both of which are also required for majors in the medical field, such as nursing, chemical engineering, and being a doctor?”
“Yes, they are, but—”
“Then explain your logic to me as to how psychology, which is the study of understanding the human brain and how an individual thinks and acts, is not scientific or associated with medicine?” Chester stiffened and was rendered speechless. This was a first. No one could ever win an argument against Austin when it came to anything scientific in nature or relating to medicine. It’s no wonder Annika got her medical license so quickly. She’s a genius like Austin. Except she’s way easier on the eyes.
“Damn. I never thought I’d see the day when the great Austin Chester didn’t have a comeback,” I told him as I slapped him on the shoulder. Austin glared at me and was about to respond, but a beep caught his attention.”Hm, saved by the beep,” I taunted. Austin grabbed the printout and read over the results.
“Well?” Annika asked.
“You don’t have any chronic STDs, which is a good thing, but …”
“But what?” we both asked.
“Sorry, Dr. Hollands, but it looks like you have Chlamydia.”
“SON OF A FUCKING BITCH!”