(Willa)
I could think of nothing else besides Caspein on the way back from his office. It wasn’t just him between my thighs; it was the way that he listened to me. He made me feel alive both when his tongue was on me and when I was in the middle of their meeting. I never felt like an outsider, even with his Beta and Gamma.
I wanted to work through my feelings, but I realized that I didn’t have to think it through. I wanted this, at least some part of it. I wanted to help Caspien, and I realized that I just might be able to have my own life alongside his.
Of course, Cali gave me a broad smile as soon as she saw me; nothing got past her. She whistled as I ushered Emmett into the car that waited outside to take us home.
“You’re being careful, right?” She crossed her arms, Loreli hugging her leg by her side.
“I am,” I nodded; I was, I hoped.
“Because it's easy to fall for all these things,” She motioned one hand to the black SUV behind me, “But, it's a lot further to fall when you get used to a different lifestyle, luxuries that you won’t be able to reproduce yourself.”
“I know that,” I said, a bit quieter. I appreciated her honesty, but I had already thought of all of those things, and she didn’t understand the bond.
H.ell, I knew the bond wasn’t infallible. Looking back now, I knew that Nolan and I weren’t right. Even as a fated pair, we weren’t aligned. As much as I tried, and I tried all the time with him, I couldn’t get through to him, or maybe there was nothing to get through to.
I started realizing that in the cottage when I could look back and see through anger instead of infatuation. We weren’t well suited, and it went further than his lack of attention or recognition of me. I needed a partner in life, someone to stand next to instead of behind. That person would never be Nolan, and I was just glad that I figured it out before I was tied forever.
H.oly s.hit.
I was glad that Nolan let me go.
That was the first time I thought that, that I truly realized and believed it.
I was better off without him, even worried about bills, stressing about school and work, and raising a child alone. I was better off without him.
“Willa?” Cali raised an eyebrow and sighed. “Just be careful, okay? Your own pace.” She reminded me.
“I will, I am." I corrected myself.
“Sure.” A look of worry and almost sadness crossed her face. It honestly made me feel kinda good that she cared this much.
“I’ll take care of myself, of Emmett and me. I promise.” I gave her a firm nod and got in the car. I hoped she believed me; I was starting to believe myself.
“The car is as dark as night, Mama,” Emmett smiled at me, and I made sure he was buckled in correctly, making note to get a booster seat for future drives.
“It is. It's like a spaceship,” I wrapped my arm around him and grabbed his hand with my other one.
“I like it.” He looked around, and I laid my head on his soft hair.
“I do, too,” I whispered.
- - - - -
The next few weeks went by in a blur. A chaotic, blissful, stressful blur. From the moment I woke up to the moment I laid my head down at night, I felt that I didn’t stop moving.
The days were filled with classes, work at the restaurant, and sometimes both. Evenings were spent with Emmett, catching up over dinner and playing. After he went to bed, I had time to study and attempt to clean the apartment.
Once a week, which I could barely even manage, Caspien and I went on a date, and he still made sure to stop by the restaurant daily when I was working, even though I knew it was across town.
There was a lot of constant activity, but I didn’t notice because it never stopped. I think if I had time to really sit down, I would realize how exhausted I really was.
I liked only one of my classes, chemistry. I realized that figuring out processes was how my brain worked best. Economics and psychology were a lot of memorization; I knew we were just starting out, but memorizing terms did not sit well with me. I would much rather work through an equation than sit down and try to remember terms that seemed to never quite fit together; it didn't flow for me.
Cali was the opposite, flying through her business classes, barely looking at the notes. She loved the simple memorization of it, but I just couldn’t wrap my mind around it.
My mind wandered to a date that Caspien and I went on, the one I insisted I would pay for. I did actually get him to eat a hot dog in a suit at the park.
- - - - -
“No, you can’t just raw dog it.” I looked at him, horror evident on my face as he went to shove a plain hot dog in his mouth.
“Excuse me?” A smile played on his lips.
“Mustard, ketchup, onions?” I looked at him.
“What’s that green stuff?”
“Relish.” His eyes widened.
“That is not relish.” He pointed at the bottle of green goo.
“No, not really.” I shrugged, smiling. “But it's a must,” I lied. I never put that neon green crap on my hot dog, not like I really had many in my life, but he didn’t need to know that.
“If you insist.” He eyed me.
“I do,”
“Well then, I will.”
“I don’t want you to do this because I want you to,”
He paused his reach for the bottle. “That is literally the only reason why I would do this.”
“Fine.” I tried not to smile.
“If you do it, I will too.” He held the bottle to me to go first. “I think that’s called a compromise. I’m not really up to date with relationship lingo, but I think that is generally seen as a good thing.”
“I think that word should be used in things past relationships,” I eyed him, suddenly curious how he ran his pack if 'compromise' wasn’t in his normal vocabulary.
One side of his mouth turned up in a way that I knew meant he was amused but didn’t entirely want to admit it.
“Do what you want.” I shrugged. “This is your first hot dog, apparently,” I shook my head at him.
“I grew up in this city, but I didn’t get to experience many of the normal parts of it.” I could tell he chose his words carefully. “Not that my parents wanted to deprive me of anything, and they didn't really, but we finished building the packhouse in the city when I was young, and there was a lot to do,” He shrugged.
“Not much time to explore?” I looked at him, reaching for the ketchup.
“Holden and I did when we were older, and then Griffen tagged along. But growing up, a lot of it was training and learning pack duties for me, at least. My parents didn’t deprive me of anything. Honestly, we have a decent relationship; I might even call it good.” He took the ketchup from me and handed me the mustard.
“We had outings, but it was more to the opera, a favorite of my mothers.” He frowned at the ketchup bottle and shook it once; the sight was so normal, so unexpected and different from what I saw from him that I almost laughed, “My dad preferred baseball, but we had a box there, catered. Unfortunately, no hot dogs.” He smiled at me, satisfied finally with the amount of ketchup he managed out of the bottle.
“I have only been to one baseball game,” I admitted, “We didn’t come to the city, to here, that often, but I vaguely remember once when I was younger. My parents were happy enough with pack life, but they wanted me to have other experiences.”
He looked sideways at me, and I couldn’t tell what he was thinking.
“We had a bit of a different experience growing up, I guess.” I shrugged.
“I guess we did, but that doesn't make it a bad thing. I wouldn't want to end up with someone who had all the same experiences. I don't think that would make for much of a partnership."
I watched him take a bite.
“Not bad,” he said.
“Liar.”
“No, really, not bad.”
“Maybe you should try it with the green sauce.”
“Maybe next time.” he eyed me, taking another bite.
We walked towards a small pond in the middle of this park. It wasn’t a big park, but Emmett loved to come here. It was near Cali’s house, and whenever we got the chance, we would take the kids here after work if we weren’t swamped with homework or studying.
We sat on a bench overlooking the murky water.
“How would you want to raise your kids?” Caspien asked quietly. His question surprised me.