ROXIE
It has been a grueling day of non-stop training. Uncle Keith has been kicking my ass.
The amount of times he has put me on my ass has been unreal; I mean, I know he knows his stuff, but he likes to kick a girl when she’s down.
I remember uncle Keith telling me to put all my frustration and anger into my punches and kicks. I think he changed his mind, especially when Bex kept placing an image of Lex in my head and Naomi’s. The thought of Naomi made my blood boil. I wanted her to suffer as much as I have, but I also wish to show her what I am made of and would love to wrap my hand around her neck.
I was punching the punch bag when I heard someone call out, “Damn, you know, you can throw a mean punch, Rox.”
I stopped and stared at the person before me. I was stunned; he was meant to be home with Sofia.
Jason stopped in his tracks as his eyes landed on me; he cocked his head to the side. “You okay?” he asked.
“What are you doing here?” I asked.
Jason was about to open his mouth, but my father beat him to it. “I asked Alpha Frank to let Jason come as we had a few things to discuss,” my father said as he approached me.
I stared at both of them.
Somehow, I don’t believe that.
I could feel Bex snigger in my head.
“Rox,” said my father as he came closer, but stopped when he noticed the look I gave him.
“I know you want to talk,” I said as I punched the punchbag hard. “But I need to train for this fight.”
I wanted to ignore them, or better yet, for everyone to leave me alone.
I could feel their eyes on me.
I sighed.
I knew we had to talk as a family about what happened, but I was struggling to keep my emotions in check.
“Fine,” I said.
I peeled the strap of the boxing gloves and removed both gloves.
I turned to look at them and stared for a moment. “I will talk,” I said. “But I don’t want to talk, Lex.”
My father nodded.
I turned to face Jason, who stared for a moment. I frowned.
Jason threw up his hands in surrender. “I won’t ask,” he said. “I won’t anyway. I know you too well, Rox; you will tell us when you’re ready.”
I didn’t say anything. I knew my father and brother wouldn’t bring it up, but I guess if they were women, it would be a different story.
We all turned around and headed inside.
Keith was with Alpha Gareth; he had a mind link to go and see him. But since Jason is here, I guess they came up with this family meeting.
We all walked into the kitchen and sat around the table.
I sat on the opposite side and watched them for a few moments. My father cleared his throat. “Rox, I know you explained to me what happened; I think you should tell Jason.”
I turned to Jason, but I knew he had read the diaries I kept with one glance. I knew I told Sofia to show Lex; I guess Jason was in the room when she handed the box to him.
“You know,” I said.
Jason nodded, anger written all over his face. “I have to say, Rox, you kept those diaries well informed,” he said. He stared at me for a moment, “I know I was a prick back then,” he said with a slight sigh. “But I would have fought in your corner and told everyone to back off.”
I stared at him, trying to figure out whether I should trust his words. I could feel Bex in my head, knowing she was close by. She was listening in; I guess she was trying to figure out the same thing as I was.
“You don’t believe me, don’t you?” said Jason, looking slightly hurt by his own statement.
I sighed. “Jas,” I said. “You have to realize, and dad, too,” I leaned back into the kitchen chair and carried on talking. “You both were doing your own thing. Dad, you are still grieving for mum and Jas,” I said as I looked at him. “As much as I want to believe you, we both know that you were thinking about that dick of yours when it came to girls.”
Jason was hurt by what I said. But it’s the truth; he was all about getting laid. Jason and Lex were. I was the little sister of a manwhore brother. I heard stories from girls about what they were both like. Some people never thought I would listen to them, but I did; even if I didn’t overhear it from others around me, Naomi would tell me everything every time she beat me or tormented me.
I shuddered at the thought, and Bex growled.
“Look, there is nothing to say,” I said. “What has happened, has happened. We don’t need to be reminiscing about it.”
“We are not,” said my father, who was full of regret. I knew he was; he had been staring at me today while I was training. “I want to know how we can make it up to you.”
I admit I was slightly caught off guard by what he said. “What do you mean?” I asked, looking at him, confused.
Jason looked at me, then at my father. “I think what Dad is trying to say is, how can we make sure that it will never happen again,” he said.
“I’m not thirteen anymore,” I said with slight frustration. “I’m a grown-ass woman and can fight. I don’t need either of you trying to protect me now. I can manage on my own.”
I stared at them for a moment but looked toward Bex in my head. “What do you think?” I asked her. Bex looks at me and cocks her head to the side. Her eyes roam over my face, but she sighs. “Rox, they are trying to make it better. They want to know how to change things between you all, which will get you to open up more to them.”
I stared at her, but she carried on. “I think,” she said as a smile itched her face. “You all need to be more open with one another, tell them how you feel, and make sure they understand.”
“That won’t be easy,” I said. “We never opened up about anything.”
Bex smiled. “Well, there is a first,” she said. “Why not try now?”
I sighed, but I have to admit she did have a point. We never spoke about anything, not even mum.
I looked back at them both; they both were looking blankly at me.
I cleared my throat, which brought them both back to me. I stared at them for a moment, but an idea formed in my head.
“I think we should start talking more about things,” I said; I looked at both of them and sighed. “I think we need to start being more honest with each other.”
I looked at Jason, who was nodding, but Dad was silent. I knew this was hard for him as he never spoke to us about anything, but he needed to. We are his children, and we are now old enough to know what he is thinking, the good and the damn right ugly too. “Dad,” I said, and moved in my chair. I placed my hand over his. “We need to be more open,” I said. “I never came to either of you, as I never thought I could. I mean, we never talk about anything unless it’s pack related.” I studied him as I carried on talking to him. “We never bring up mum,” I said, making my throat tighten slightly at the mere mention of her. “Do you know what it is like not to talk to you about her? The woman was a goddess in the kitchen and also someone who knew how to keep us all in check and even open up.”
I could feel the tears building up in the back of my eyes, but I knew I had to tell him. I hated not talking about mum.
I stared at the man before me; he was silent. But you could see the hurt and pain reflecting in his eyes at the mere mention of her. It must be so hard for him too.
“Dad, Rox is right,” said Jason, who turned in his chair. “We need to be more open.”
Jason sighed. “Dad, I used girls to fuck because I never wanted to feel the pain of losing someone as you did. Since meeting Sofia, my heart has been in my mouth when I’m not with her. Being here,” he said, motioning his finger around the room. “It is making me on edge, especially with all our rogue attacks.”
My eyes stayed on my father. I could feel my father’s hand entwined with mine, and he gently squeezed it.
The room was silent and full of high emotions.
“I know you both are right,” he sighed. I noticed the single tear that slid down his face. “I know I never talk about her, and I want to.”
Dad looked between us and smiled. “Do you remember the breakfast she would make?” he said. “I mean, there was no excuse in her eyes for breakfast to be the biggest meal of the day.”
My father smiled, but I knew it was a weak one. “I miss her so damn much,” he said with a slight sob escaping his lips. I noticed Jason place his hand on his shoulder. “Dad,” I said. “We all miss her. She was our rock when a storm came.”
I smiled. “I can always remember mum telling Jason off every time he left his shoes outside or left the toilet seat up,” I said. “Hey!” yelled Jason, who had a smirk itching the corners of his face. “She would always tell me that there were women around, and when my mate comes, I should show her that I knew how to do those things.”
I couldn’t help but smirk. “And how is that going?” I asked.
“Sofia threw my shoe at me,” he said. “I still got a lump on my head.”
My father burst out laughing.
I smiled.
I missed his laugh so much.
Once he had calmed down, we carried on talking about Mum. After a few tales, I did leave for a brief moment and handed my father the diary I kept. He skimmed over, but his eyes were more in awe that I had done something like that, something to remember her by.
“You should read it,” I said.
My father nodded. “I will,” he said. “I bet there are some cracking stories about what we all did.”
I smiled. “You bet,” I said.
I looked at Jason, and his eyes were on me. “I know you don’t want to know,” he said. “Lex is cut up about everything. He wished he knew about everything and would have done something about it.”
I frowned. “Yeah, right,” I said, but Jason shook his head. “No, Rox, Lex would have. You might not believe it; I bet things would have been different if you told him.”
I stared at him.
I didn’t want to live in the past anymore; I had been there too often. I think I need to be more present, more now than ever.
I shook my head and looked back at them. “I don’t know what to believe,” I said. “But I think if we keep talking about mum, I will make you both a promise.” I sighed. “I will promise to be more open with you, especially when it comes to the past or present things,” I said and looked toward them both. “Now, I think we should have some food. I’m starving.”
My father grinned. “I will make your mother’s favorite meal,” he said.
“Chicken fried steak,” Jason and I said together.
We looked at each other and burst out laughing.
My father smiled. “You both used to drive your mother crazy when you used to do that,” he said.
I smiled.
“I know we have all the ingredients here,” he said. “I asked Keith to pick up some things from the market.”
Dad moved out of the chair and headed into the kitchen.
Dad knows how to cook, but he hasn’t done much since mum has been gone.
I could hear my Dad pottering around the kitchen.
“I think this is a new start to a good day,” blurted Jason. I glanced toward him and smiled.
“I think you’re right,” I said.
We stood by the table, and our conversation went back to Mum.
We all miss her but talking about her helps.