~One Week Later~
~KANE~
"You're looking much better," Dane points out to me as he hands me a beer. "They beat you up pretty badly."
"Can't say I didn't deserve it," I say to him as I take a sip.
After Maya and her family left, everything I owned was burnt to the ground; nothing was left from the fire. It took me days to heal from the deep wounds they'd left on my body. Nothing compared to the wound Maya left in my heart, however. She knew what she was doing when she marked me and when she let me mark her. She knew that it would fucking tear me apart to watch her leave. And that's precisely what I did that day; I watched her walk away from me and it fucking burned.
She doesn't know this, but I tried to follow her, I tried to reach her. I forced myself off the ground that day and took one step only to fall straight back down again. I kept doing it over and over again, hurting myself more with the hope of getting to her, of being able to pull her into my arms at least one more time. I kept going until I realized that it was fucking useless, that she was long gone. She was gone and surrounded by men that would rather die than ever let me get to her again.
I knew that her brothers would lock her up even more than they did in the past. She wouldn't be able to walk into the woods unattended again, and she will be given zero freedom.
No one else was the cause of this but me. I did this to her; I did this to myself. I made a mess of everything, and it was too late to fix it.
"I need to see her again," I tell Dane; I couldn't believe the words even after they left my mouth. I know it would be difficult, almost impossible, for that to happen.
"Are you hearing yourself?" Dane asks me. "You want to see her again? And how are you planning on doing that? Every single one of us almost died that day. We are only alive because Maya begged for her brothers to save our lives. Quite frankly, I don't know why she did it; anyone else would have let those men burn us to the ground with everything else. You trying to meet her again will put all of our lives in danger again. If you know what's best for you and everyone else, you will stay away from her."
I grab Dane by his collar, "how do you expect me to stay away from her when she's the reason why I'm fucking breathing right now. She's my fucking mate. I need to be by her side; without her, I'm going to fucking lose my mind, and I already am. I can't eat, I can't sleep, I can't stop thinking about her. Every night when I close my eyes, she is all that I see. I can still smell her even though she's gone, her scent has not left me, and it's not enough. I need to touch and feel her next to me. I'm dying to hold her in my arms again. She's haunting me, Dane. Haunting me! I need her to fix me, to fix this broken piece of me that she's left behind."
Dane quirks a brow at me, "wow, I guess we can see who's the winner here. She did manage to break you, maybe even more than you did to her. But I'm on Maya's side on this one; you did get what you deserve. Now you have to find the courage and live with it. Don't make that girl's life any more miserable than you already did. Let her live peacefully now; the moment you choose to step into her life again, her world will turn upside down. She will have to make a choice between you and her family. It's not an easy choice to make. Let's be honest; her family will never accept you after what you did to her. You didn't make it better when you spelled it out for them. I warned you about your actions; we both know it's too late now."
I hate how much he's right, but I will never accept it. I will never accept that I cannot see her again or that I messed things up so badly that I've lost the chance to make it better.
I miss her. I miss her so fucking much. I see her everywhere; I do. Every single tear I caused to roll down her beautiful face is locked in my mind. I keep remembering it. It's almost like she's right in front of me, reminding me of why she's no longer next to me—reminding me that I'm a selfish bastard without a brain. Someone that did things without thinking about the consequences of his actions.
I hold my head in pain. I've never felt so emotionally scarred in my life; if this is what I put Maya through all this time, I deserve this and so much more.
"I will find a way to get to her. Without putting any of us in danger." I assure Dane. At least without putting any pack members in danger, I couldn't ask them to make any more sacrifices for me. Many of my men were dead because of the selfish choices I made; I wouldn't make a mistake like that again. However, I don't mind putting my life at risk to see her again. I meant it when I said I would find a way to see Maya again. This couldn't be the end for us. She must know that I'm never going to give her up. I will keep fighting until she decides to give me a chance again.
I know I don't deserve it, but I can't go on like this without her. These past few days were excruciatingly painful. The physical pain was nothing compared to the emotional pain.
"Please don't do anything stupid again, Kane." Dane pleads with me. "You barely survived the last attack. Maya's family hates you. You heard Austin when he said to stay away from his sister. I can't force you to do the right thing, but I can at least try and point you in the right direction. It's up to you to choose what you want to do in the end. Just know, I'm always here."
I nod my head before taking another sip of the beer. Lord knows this is the only thing that has helped me get through these countless hours without her. I was drowning myself in alcohol, trying to forget the pain.
Even now, all I can do is think about her despite having alcohol in my system. I keep wondering if she's okay and doing any better than I am. I keep wondering if she will attempt to meet me. I know that I'm hoping for something that simply isn't possible. She hates me. The only reason she chose to save me was that it would kill her too.
I groan and bury my head against the table. Will this pain ever stop?