~KANE~
I fucking hate myself right now. I hate the person I am. I hate the person my father raised me to be. I'm the biggest asshole out there, and I'm ashamed of the things I've done. I hate the things I did to Maya; I hate that I made her cry and forced her to hate me. I hate that I broke an innocent, sweet girl, a girl that was mine, a girl that would have made me happy. I hate that I lost her before I got a chance to tell her how much I loved her. But more than any of that, I hate what I just did.
I'm pissed at myself. I had no idea where my mate was, yet here I am, agreeing to marry a woman that made me want to fucking kill myself. What was worse is that I felt something for her fucking maid. The moment I lifted my gaze and looked into the girl's beautiful green eyes, I felt lost.
She caught my attention, even more when she opened her mouth to speak. Her voice was very similar to Maya's; it was like music to my ear. It captivated me; I wanted to hear her repeatedly talk just so that I could listen to her.
I was supposed to be searching for my mate, but instead, I'm caught up in this shit. I'm begging a girl to speak to me while agreeing to marry the enemy's daughter. When the fuck did my life turn into such a mess?
I knew that this was part of my payment for what I've done, especially to Maya. She never deserved the things that I did to her. What kills me inside is knowing that she risked everything to save me; she went against her family, the people that loved her, to protect me. She kept me safe even after I hurt her. She was always too fucking good for me. Even now, I'm letting her down. I should be out there looking for her, not feeling a connection for Giselle's maid.
Still, I didn't understand what made me feel that way for her. The moment Giselle tried to whip the girl, I lost my damn mind. I didn't want to see her get hurt, which makes no sense. I knew that Giselle was overreacting, but I didn't have to get involved, yet I did. I did because it hurt to see the girl be punished just for talking to me. At least, I believe that's why it bothered me so much. Maybe that's what I'm telling myself to feel okay about what I just did.
I saw Giselle run after the girl; I wanted to run after her to stop her from doing anything to the poor maid but figured I'd already done too much. I didn't want to get on her wrong side. She was a daddy's girl and would go running to her father; he would undoubtedly make things worse for me. I didn't want to risk anything happening to my men because of my actions here today. I needed to move sharply to protect the people I cared about. I had to be good to Giselle no matter how much it killed me inside. The girl made my blood crawl, and that was saying a lot. If she told her father I was sticking up for a maid, he would threaten to kill my pack members, and I may even put the girl’s life in more danger than it already was in. I couldn't let that happen. I didn't make these sacrifices to watch my men get hurt any more than they already were.
Alpha Jacks had them all imprisoned in his dungeon. I couldn't see them, even if I wanted to. He wouldn't let me. Not until I proved to him that I was indeed serious about marrying his daughter. This was all just a huge pretense, of course. I wouldn't marry her, I promised him I would, but I would do everything to ensure it didn't happen.
I could never marry another woman while my pregnant mate was in danger. I couldn't marry someone when my heart belonged to Maya and only her. I would push anyone away that tried to get in the way of what I felt for her.
Even if Maya weren't alive, even if what the letter stated was true, my heart would always belong to her; I would never let myself feel for another woman but her. She was the only woman for me, and I meant that. I meant it with my entire being. No woman will ever take her place. After everything I put her through, the least I could do for her was make sure that she was the only woman in my heart.
I had to find a way to postpone the wedding, to give me as much time as I needed to find out what happened to Maya. I didn't know how to get Giselle to provide me with time; I needed to make her think that waiting was the best thing for us.
But what could I say to her? Why would she postpone the wedding? She was desperate to marry me; I knew that much. She wouldn't want anything to get in the way of the marriage. I had already heard her plans, and I wasn't happy about it. She wanted the wedding to happen in one week.
How the fuck would I be able to find Maya if the wedding was in one week? That would be impossible, especially when I had no idea who had taken her and for what reason. That wasn't exactly true now that I thought about it. The person in the letter claimed that it was payback for killing their sister. It meant that I had to find out who were all the women Austin and his family killed. It will narrow down my search. Why didn't I think about this before?
But how do I know that the person didn't write that letter to throw Austin off in the wrong direction? To make Austin think that I was the one that killed Mays since almost everyone knew by now that Austin and his pack killed my family.
My body goes stiff when I see Giselle making her way back to me. Her eyes light up the moment she spots me, and it makes me sick. I don't know how much more of this I can fucking take.
"I'm sorry if I took too long. I just had some things to discuss with Martha." She apologizes. I bite down on my tongue when she sits too close to me, so close that her legs rub against mine.
Just the thought of another woman this close to me makes me want to throw myself into a fucking river and let the water swallow me whole.
Giselle doesn't realize just how much I hate this. She's too busy enjoying being near me that she doesn't care how I feel about it. I had to think of something quickly, anything to help me postpone this damn thing.
"Where were we?" she asks me. "There are so many things I want to discuss about the wedding. We need to decide who we are inviting and who we are not. My father has plenty of friends; I doubt we want all of them there. Though, I do want everyone to see how handsome my husband is. None of the women that know me will ever believe that you agreed to marry me. They will see for themselves that fairytales do exist. All of my friends know how much I've always wanted this. I told them all that I would not marry unless it were you. And now my wishes are finally coming true."
"I want to talk to you about the wedding," I tell her. I don't know where I'm going with this, but I've brought it up; now I have to go ahead with the plan.
"What's wrong?" she asks me, already on the defense. "If you think that you can change your mind about this wedding so quickly, Kane, think again, I will not let you do this to me after trying so hard and planning every damn. . ."
"Shh," I shush her. "I never said that I'm calling the wedding off. I want to discuss a few things with you. That's all."
"Oh," she whispers as her eyes light up some more. "You should have been more clear about it. You almost gave me a heart attack. You have to know just how much I care for you and want you. I've been in love with you since the first time I saw you, Kane. This is a dream come true for me. I want to be the woman that will make you the happiest man alive. I will do anything to see you happy."
My jaw clenches. I don't want to listen to her say things like that to me. It only reminds me of Maya.
"I want this to be special. I don't want to rush this marriage with you." I say to her.
She bites her lips and gives me an annoyed look, "it's not rushing, Kane. Did you not hear how much I've wanted you? I've wanted you for years, so how could this be rushing? I've known I've wanted you all along. Not once did I ever look the other way or want anyone else. It's always been you. I've been waiting for this day since the first time I met you. I want this, and I don't want to wait."
I force myself to take her hand in mine; it helps to distract her. She looks thrilled that I'm touching her with my own will. I try to hide how much I hate this. I need to pretend that I want her; she has to believe that I'm not thinking about anyone else but her.
"Please, Giselle, this isn't about me. I'm doing this for you. I'm thinking about you. It's unfair of me to rush this marriage; we should take our time to get to know each other more. What would people say when they see how quickly you marry me? Give me time to date you properly. I'm not saying no to the marriage; I'm just asking for more time than just one week. It's not enough time for us. I want to take you on fancy dates give you the chance to get to know me more. I'll tell you everything that you want to know. I will answer you truthfully. I'm just asking for that extra time. Will you please give that to me? Can you find it in yourself to do that?"
She looks conflicted about what to do. I can see that she considered it however.
I can already tell that I've succeeded. She wants to go on dates with me; she wants it all. I'm happy that something is finally working in my favor.
I hated speaking to her in kindness when I disliked the girl so much. Both she and her father knew that I wouldn't be here today if they weren't holding my men captive. I knew that this was my instant payback for what I did to Maya. I would gladly welcome my punishment if I weren't so desperate to find Maya and protect her.
I feel myself relax a little when she nods her head slightly, "I am willing to go on a couple of dates with you before our wedding. I want to get as close to you as possible; I want to know everything about you. Nothing will make me happier."
I try not to show my obvious disgust with just the thought of being closer to her.
"Thank you for giving us a chance at dating and getting to know each other better," I tell her.
She smiles and throws her arms around me. I stiffen as her scent hits me. It's nothing like Maya's; in fact, it makes me sick to my stomach. I never thought there would be a day that I would be forced to marry a woman I couldn't stand. I never thought that I would ever be brought to the ground like this. I knew when Maya's family found me, they would do everything in their power to hurt me, but I was hoping for death; I never once thought that Maya would protect me from them.
Now I'm left with the pain and memory of all the shit I've done.
I had to find a way to free my men quickly; I don't know how much longer I could stand being by this woman's side while I knew nothing about the whereabouts of the woman I loved.