I was riding the bus home, still smiling, having my headphones in, I just wanted to get back home and tell Jonah. It was stupid, I know, but he cared, and I didn’t have anyone else to talk to at the moment.
My parents wouldn’t care that I had made a small promotion in a superstore, and Ryan would just laugh at me, I knew he would, calling it stupid since he was a lawyer and was so much better than me according to him, and Kayla… I still wanted her dead, fucking bitch, I would finish the job if I ever saw her again…. I huffed pushing her away, I wasn’t going to think about her, nope. I only wanted to tell Jonah, and that was it. Even if he was treating me bad this morning, I understood that he didn’t want me mixing with men that looked like they could kill you, I was more upset that he dropped me off at the bus stop If I was being honest.
I walked off the bus and into the short distance to my building, I stared at the elevator for a few seconds before just shaking my head and started to walk up the stairs, my headphones had been doing this beeping sounds for a while and when I got up the last stairs, it just said that the battery was dead and shut off, fuck! I walked out and sighed, people everywhere.
I didn’t get it, it was a Monday, when the hell did these people have time to study when the just spent their time here at Jonah’s apartment and in the hallway getting high and drinking.
I walked slowly past people going for my door when I changed my mind and walked over to his, the music was awful since I didn’t have my headphone on and I just stopped by his threshold and stared into the apartment, looking for the long guy that I wanted to tell what had happened today.
my stomach making suction movements when I kept looking for him, he wasn’t here and I sighed, I really wanted to tell him, I did when I saw his friends, or at least one of them, Chris, he was drinking and had a girl in his lap, his eyes caught mine and he just mumbled something into the girls ear making her laugh and she turned around and stared at me like I was an alien.
“Really, she’s not allowed inside? but there are people everywhere, hell, I’m here?!” she giggled, and he just smirked at me when I just stared, he didn’t seem to care what he was saying and I didn’t understand anything, he was never rude to me, just not that interested, the rude one of them was Joey, and he wasn’t even here, or Tom.
“Yeah well, she is his bitch, so she can’t come in here because he says so, only when he allows it…” he made a small laughter when the girl just gave me a sad look and I felt my cheeks burning up from Chris words, he told me that I was Jonah’s bitch, but that wasn’t the part that hurt me, made me feel like I was nothing. it was that I couldn’t walk inside his place, because I knew that I wasn’t allowed to, he had made that perfectly clear.
I was nothing.
I started to walk away when I stopped, I was going to go home and start to cry but really, why should I? Jonah wasn’t my boyfriend or even cared enough for me to drop me off at my work like he told me he did, told me that I mattered, but I wasn’t even allowed to walk inside his place for some reason?
I got inside my apartment, fast and determined, throwing off everything I had on, if he wanted to see a bitch, then a bitch he would get! I ruffled around my wardrobe cursing that I had nothing, absolutely nothing that was more provocative than the dress that Kayla had lent me, and I would rather die then put that on.
Fuck! I did look like a kindergarten teacher, didn’t I?! I cursed when I put the hangers back hard into the closet, that’s it, the first thing I was doing next time I got paid was getting some fucking more clothes that didn’t look like I was holding a seminar on knitting sweaters.
That’s when I saw it, a small bag in the back and I grabbed it, my clothes from when I was a teenager, before I met Ryan.
He had told me that it wasn’t appropriate for me to look like a slut when I was dating him, so I just stopped having on the short dresses and tops that I just love having, I did.
I mean I was seventeen when I met him and you tell me a girl that didn’t dress like that around that age, I laughed when I pulled up a green strapless dress that maybe was better as a top these days, knowing I was never going to fit into it otherwise.
So, here I was, standing in the mirror outlining my eyes hard and edgy, black eyeliner and some darker shade of lipstick I found, my boobs really not fitting the top that I pulled up a little more, seeing that the risk was that they would fall out when I didn’t wear a bra underneath, it would just look weird.
My long wavy hair was falling free over my shoulders, I had no way of covering up the bruises and marks more than just putting concealer, but it didn’t do that much, just made it not the first thing that you would look at, I mean if you stared at me, you would see it, but I didn’t care, my hair did cover some parts, but you know what? Let people see it, I wasn’t going to be ashamed of it anymore. He was the one that told me that he liked to mark his girls, so fuck it, if I was his bitch then people would know, no matter what I did to cover it up.
I took a deep breath before walking out the door again, my jeans that didn’t really fit was making it harder to walk around more then I already was doing when I was still hurting after yesterday.
I smiled walking up to two guys talking and smiled at them, they looked stunned for a couple of seconds before smiling back, like they really weren’t expecting me to go up to them, I wasn’t afraid to talk to people, I just didn’t like it and my time as a superstore employee made it far easier to fake it having a conversation with strangers that I didn’t enjoy that much.
“So, what do you guys do then?” I just smiled more when they started to talk about their classes, made interne jokes I didn’t get but laugh anyway, they seemed cute and when one of them gave me his beer bottle, I took it, I wasn’t going to stay quiet and timid if people was just going to laugh at me, I could just as easily have fun instead of just feeling sorry for myself, for the guy that didn’t have feelings for me called me his bitch, well, he was a fucking bastard so that made us equals.
I was still drinking and talking to the two guys, they seemed really nice even if they just stared at my tits all the time, I didn’t care at this point when I tipped my head back and my hair fell back from my shoulders and reviling the bruises that made their eyes go like saucers and I quickly pushed it back, not wanting questions when one of them looked at me like he was really worried about me all the sudden, a freaking college kid that was just staring at my tits was looking worried at me, fuck. My life just kept hitting new lows, didn’t it?
“You know what, we were just leaving, but see you around Andy, nice talking to you.” I just watched them when they just turned around and left me and I didn’t know if I was going to laugh or cry, what the hell just happened, don’t tell me that they knew, saw the marks and got scared…. I scoffed when I walked over to his door and just stood there, still drinking something I swiped and guys were looking at me and I smiled back but they didn’t walk up and I just sighed, so that was it then, the end of Andrea Wilsons wild adventure in the hallway and I made a small laughter to myself, I really was his bitch wasn’t I?
I was walking back to my own door when I felt the hand of a man on my shoulder and I turned around thinking it was Jonah since he seemed to like scaring the shit out of me only to see the serious face of Chris, he did not look happy when I made a frown, shaking his hand off me, what the fuck was that guy’s problem with me anyway? I had never done or said anything to him, in fact, he was the one that pranked me with making me pay for pizza I didn’t even eat.
“I don’t want to see your face outside that door, you fucking got that Andrea?” he was talking slower and drunk, saying my name mockingly, like the way Jonah would say it and I frowned more, who the hell did he think he was talking to me like that?!
“Why don’t you go fuck yourself Chris.” I just said that and smiled at him when he seemed to get more upset from me talking back, I still didn’t understand why he didn’t seem to like me when he was making some staggering movements from being drunk and just making a sneering sound at me telling him to fuck off.
“You don’t get to talk to me like that, you got that!? you are just a fucking bitch that are not allowed to be here outside and if you don’t get back inside that door of yours, I’m going to drag you back there, were you fucking belong!” he was hissing at me when I felt my heart beating harder, he was serious, I could see it now, behind all that charm and smiles, he was going to drag me back into my room if I didn’t do what he wanted.
I looked around, people where still just having a good time, the music still loud and awful when I made a split decision of just bolting, he wasn’t the fucking boss of me, and I didn’t need to stand here and listen to his crap about what I was and what I deserved!
“Fuck you!” I just turned around, going for the stairs, not caring that I didn’t have my jacket or purse, I was getting out of here, my pride not letting me succumb to the angry guy that was trying to dictate me back to my apartment when I felt the hard grip around my arm making me scream out from the pain when he yanked me back and I know people saw me, saw him just dragging me along, back from the stairs and opened the door and just pushed me hard inside, making me fall to the floor and I looked up at his face that was smirking when I was trying so hard not to cry when he slammed the door and I was alone again.
The hard sniffles that broke through my chest was awful, he just threw me here, inside like I was some fucking prisoner, not even allowed to step outside when I made deep offended hard breaths coming out with my tears. My arm was throbbing from the searing pain and my shoulder was hurting when I cried more holding onto it.
I just didn’t understand why he was so fucking mad at me, humiliated me? I got up slowly and looked at myself in the mirror, the hard truth of me standing there, I was really nothing, and the last nail in the coffin had been this, Chris throwing me inside my place, and nobody did anything to help me, because they were afraid of him, of Jonah.
I closed my eyes, not wanting to se the image of the broken woman, crying her eyes out standing there with bruises and looking like a whore, because that’s what I felt like, some goddamn whore that anyone could treat like shit whenever they wanted.