He didn’t say a word when he pulled out, I felt that his cum was dripping out of me, but I didn’t care, I loved him, I did and nothing would make me change that, not him, not anymore, he was mine and he knew it.
“Jonah?” my voice sounded so small when he had pulled up his trainers again and didn’t look at me, making the cold feeling inside me get even bigger, why wasn’t he looking at me?!
“Did you take the pill?” he still didn’t look at me when I nodded. Yes, I took it, what did that have to do with anything, why was he acting so goddamn cold towards me all the sudden?! The small pain in my chest was getting worse when he didn’t look at me anymore, just fixed his clothes and turned his head away looking at the door, making me go ice-cold now, he was leaving me, wasn’t he? He didn’t even have to say it, I could feel it, feel him like I always could when he wasn’t speaking to me.
“Don’t go…” I was begging and he flinched from my voice making the pain inside me even harder because I knew that he did feel something for me, he just didn’t want to admit it, not even to himself.
He sighed heavily and turned around, this time his eyes where hard and merciless, he had made up his mind and I wasn’t going to change it, no matter how much I begged him when I just looked up at him helpless, he was my everything, on such short time, and now he was leaving me, afraid of what was happening between us.
“I don’t love you Andrea, when are you going to get that into your head?” I made a small noise from my chest being completely ripped open and my heart was bleeding more than it ever had did in my entire life when he looked at me hard before making a sight again like I was being the most annoying girl in the world, just waiting to get rid of me.
“You don’t?” oh god, oh god I was being pathetic, weren’t I? he told me so many times that he cared for me, but never that he felt something, and I was just happily ignoring it when he looked like he was hurting too from seeing my destroyed face.
“No.” he just said that with a dark voice when I started to cry hard and not caring if he saw me, I didn’t believe him, he did love me, he just didn’t want to admit it, to me or even to himself!
“You do! I know you do! Why would you help me, take care of me, be so fucking nice when everyone else has turned their fucking backs on me!?” I was latching out when he just stood there firm and arms crossed, his tall body still towering over me when I sneered feeling the anger fill my body, I hated him, I fucking hated him for doing this to me!
“Because I am your Dom, okay, that’s the fucking hard truth and you know it!” he was clenching his jaw from every word when I just looked at him confused, what the fuck was he talking about?! I had no idea what that even meant when he saw my face and knew that I didn’t understand, he got me, just like I got him, we always understood each other!
“It means that you are my sub, submissive. so, it’s my job as the dominate one to take care of you, that’s the fucking rules, you do what I tell you, and in return, I take care of you, help you, do you understand Andrea?” I made a small gulp from the nausea that was hitting me hard, I didn’t get everything, but I was starting to understand what he was telling me, that I was some kind of slave, a whore at his beck and call whenever he wanted to fuck and I just let him, fuck.
“So, I am your whore then?” the nausea was getting worse when he shook his head like that wasn’t what he was trying to say but I didn’t believe him when the tears started to push up again, it didn’t matter what he told me, I was his whore and that was it. he bought me shit to fuck me, I knew how that worked, even if I wasn’t that fucking smart.
“No! I never said that, I said that I care for you, and I do, Andrea, please, do you think that I would have even done half the shit I done with you to any other girl, if I thought you were a whore, then I would have just fucked you the first time and left, not giving a shit if you were crying or not!” I was speechless, standing here in my kitchen, still in just my t-shirt, face tears stricken and just blinking in lost for words at what he was telling me, he was my Dom, and I had no fucking idea about it.
“Do they know, everyone else, your friends, Tom, Joey, Chris?” I said his name last with a joyless smirk when he got a weird face that told me everything I needed to know, they knew. Great, I was the official whore of Jonah, and everyone else, except me, knew about it.
“Listen…. Andrea… this is my fault, you showed me right away that you had feelings and I should have just said no from the start, because that’s not what I wanted, but I was stupid okay, I was fucking stupid believing that you would be okay with us having this relationship when clearly you weren’t, and that’s my fault….” He stopped and looked like he was sorry when I wanted to puke for real now, he was feeling sorry for me, just like everyone else out there, well fuck him!
“I didn’t even know we had this fucking relationship Jonah, so you and your fucking excuses can go to hell! You fucking hear me!? Fuck you and everyone else that you laugh with behind my fucking back, I hate you!” I was so stupid, so fucking stupid not being able to see that he was just using me, having fun at my expense, laughing at me being and idiot behind my back, just like Ryan when he was fucking Kayla and all the other whores he had been fucking behind my back!
“You cut that shit out, Andrea, for fuck’s sake, you are over thirty years old! how can you not understand when someone is telling you over and over that you can’t be his girlfriend, that this was just about sex, a fucking friendship between us?!” he was getting mad when I just snarled back, so I was stupid, what else was new!? It didn’t matter, I hated him, every fucking fiber in my body was coursing with burning hot hate that I couldn’t breathe out no matter how much I was taking deep breaths, trying not to pass out from the intense nausea and hard crack in my chest, making it harder for me to breathe.
“Well friendship fucking over then Jonah, go and fuck your goddam whores like you have been doing all along, what the fuck do I care, you and me, we are fucking over!” I was pointing to the door when his face got dark and I hated that I got scared, the hard eyes that was showing me that part of him that I still was afraid of since he pinned me down.
“You shut the fuck up! I didn’t fuck anyone else, not after I fucked you, I told you that I didn’t want you to fuck anyone else, so why the hell should I do that?! it’s about fucking trust Andrea, but if you are too stupid to get that then I can’t fucking help you!”
he was getting closer again when I backed up against the counter, feeling so small all the sudden against his tall body that was dangerous when he wanted it to be, and I clenched my jaw and looked down, knowing that me being more aggressive would only end up with him hurting me, learned that the hard way.
He stopped when he saw me crouch back, making myself smaller like he had caught himself when he cleared his throat, like he was trying so hard to get control back, putting his shield back up when I just stared at the floor, tears silently falling down my face, I didn’t want to look at him anymore, didn’t want to see the pity and regret that he had in his face when he saw me, fuck him.
“Just… don’t fucking tell to my face that I don’t care, I do. more than you will ever understand… and … well fuck… just don’t call the cops on me I guess….” I made a small joyless smile, that was his last words to me, don’t call the cops on him? Was he fucking kidding me?
“I’m leaving.” He turned around when I looked up slowly, the horror that came over his green blue eyes was unmistakable, did he think I was staying around, here? In this crappy apartment that I hated being in with the guy that broke my heart next door, watching him let out girls he fucked in the morning, no fucking way.
“What…?!” I smirked again when he staggered a little, his tall body not obeying him when I nodded like he heard me, I was leaving, gone.
“You heard me Jonah, I’m gone.” He was so stupid, did he really believe that I was going to stay behind like a good girl where he could keep track of me, fucking his damn whores in peace just knowing that I was suffering alone.
He looked at me, rage filling his eyes when he had turned around completely again, like he just couldn’t leave me, no matter what his mouth was telling me, pathetic.
“You know what, I think I’m going to call Austin, he liked me, he did, wanted to fuck me at least before Kayla made sure I left, maybe he could be my new Dom, I bet he would like that…” I made a small giggle, fuck it felt so good to see him hurting and I didn’t care, I wanted to hurt him, just as much as he was hurting me when he got a real dark face now, not even trying to cover up just how jealous he was, only friends my ass, that he had fucking spanked yesterday.
“Don’t you dare call him, I’m forbidding it, Andrea, I’m fucking serious! He is not a man to play around with, you got that!?” I just waved my hand at his anger, his face was desperate when I didn’t care, what did it mattered in the end, I had no one, not a fucking soul that cared if I lived or died, so if Austin was a bad man, I didn’t care, I was done being good.
“You can’t tell me shit, you are not my boyfriend, Dom or friend anymore, remember?” I smirked more when he was about to tell me something but didn’t, making me roll my eyes, well what a surprise, every time he was going to tell me what he really felt, he just closed his mouth and kept quiet, how fucking unoriginal.
“Maybe not…. but Andrea… please… I’m fucking begging you, don’t call him, he is dangerous, and not in the way that you think, Kayla was stupid enough to get close and look at where the hell she is now, I don’t want to see you in the same position…” he stopped and looked sad at me when I frowned, he talked about Kayla like he fucking knew her, what was that all about?!
“What about Kayla, you don’t fucking know her?!” I sounded accusing when he took a deep breath leaning against the wall and looked at me even sadder and I felt sick again, he knew something, and I wasn’t going to like it.
“I do know her, well… I know of her…. She is a whore Andrea, and I’m not just saying that. I mean that she is a prostitute, a real one, an escort if you want to use a fancy word….” I felt my eyes widen in shock, what!? Kayla wasn’t an escort, she was working for a big company, a multicorporate one that she made big bucks from!
“WHAT!?” I just dropped down on one of the chairs, not giving a shit that I was hurting, he just told me that my best friend since sixth grade was a prostitute, and that I never knew a goddam thing, not at all.
“I’m sorry Andrea…. I really am….” I snapped my eyes back at his young handsome face that was looking at me with so much sorrow when I woke up from my paralysis, what the hell was he sorry for, he got what he wanted, he got to fuck me and I followed him blindly, he shouldn’t be sorry, he should be glad we were over, I wasn’t his responsibility or problem anymore.
“Where is she?” I got up and he looked at me confused like he wasn’t expecting me to ask him that, but he knew shit, I know he did.
“My fucking best friend, my sister, where the fuck is she!?” I raised my voice when he pressed his lips together, so he didn’t want to tell me then, well fuck him, I was going to find her, she needed my help and honestly, I didn’t care anymore that she fucked my husband, in fact I felt sorry for her, that boring fucker that he was, she must have been so fucking bored out her mind when he did.
“Just get out, I don’t need you anymore Jonah, oh and leave my keys on the table, I don’t want you going inside my place before I leave.” He just stared at me in amazement and disbelief when I walked over to the bathroom and started to shower off his cum from my legs, his scent from my body, washing my hair when I felt the bathroom door being opened and I turned around, opening my eyes knowing he was standing there, dick hard and not wanting to leave, well that made one of us then.
“you’re really leaving?” he just said that when I smiled and nodded, oh I was so leaving. No more shit being his goddamn whore and people laughing behind my back, I was not coming back, never again.
“Yes, I am really leaving Jonah.” He looked down, like he was a lost puppy and I wanted to laugh at him, standing there, staring at me in the shower, turned on and looked like he wanted to cry, well this was his doing, I told him I loved him, and he just could not say it back so why the fuck did I even care anymore?
“Okay…” he just said that. nothing more when I felt the hard lump in my throat, no! no! I was not going to cry, I refused after what he had told me, I wasn’t going to cry my heart out because he looked like he was being crushed too, he told me he didn’t love me and that was it, end of us, the small chapter of Andrea and Jonah was over.
I got out of the shower, wrapped the towel around me and walked past him and he didn’t stop me, that hurt more then I had imagine that it would when I got dressed quickly, him still standing in my apartment not saying a word when I walked towards the door, phone in hand and wet hair, I was going to find Kayla, and forget that my heart was broken by a college kid that didn’t want to leave my place, but not being able to tell me that he loved me back.
“Goodbye Jonah….” I did a small smile while pushing my other feelings down hard and he didn’t smile back, just stood there and watched me with his mysterious green blue eyes that was showing me just how broken he was, just like me.
“Goodbye Andrea….” I flinched hard when I heard his sad voice when I walked out the door and closed it behind me, I was going to cry tonight, I just knew it.